Arizona Sucks

After almost being taken out by a land monster merging across three lanes of traffic without even looking this morning, I knew it was time to address how piss poor Arizona drivers are once again. I can’t even begin to count how many times one of these idiots has cut me off or almost merged right into me, and then will look up from their breakfast burrito with an absolutely startled, oblivious, and blank gaze as to why I am laying on the horn. It really makes me wonder how people out here can be so clueless and unconcerned about what is going on around them while they are moving along at 70 miles per hour and maneuvering a vehicle which is far from indestructible should they hit something or someone. Put down the coffee, throw out the cigarettes, put on your makeup at home, don’t eat burritos for breakfast, stop texting, don’t drive drunk, and keep an eye on what is going on in front of you and behind you. Incompetence reigns supreme in Arizona and it is certainly no different when driving on the roads and highways out here.

The majority of the driving problems across Arizona stem from the unfortunate fact that very few in Arizona really understand the whole picture when it comes to anything. Arizona locals do not seem to grasp the fact that their awful driving affects everyone else that happens to be on the roadways and in typical Arizona fashion, most drivers are only concerned with themselves and could care less about how their driving antics might affect anyone else. Remember, if you cause an accident because you are driving like an idiot — not only did you ruin the day of the person you hit, but you also ruined it for everyone else that has to sit in the traffic catastrophe YOU created.

A few examples… if the traffic in front of you is stopped, then you probably want to start slowing down at some point. If the traffic signal in front of you just turned red, then flooring it to sit at the light will not and cannot get you to your destination any faster. Merging into someone is not an effective way of making a safe lane change. If the traffic on the highway is going 70 and you decide to merge on at 45, then there is probably going to be a problem. If highway patrol has someone pulled over on the other side of the road, you do not need to slam on your brakes because he isn’t running radar or even paying attention to you. If you are about to pass a speed camera, you do not need to slam on your brakes (unless you were way over the speed limit) and then continue to go 15 miles under the speed limit for the next 500 yards. If most everybody else happens to have their headlights on, then you probably should turn your lights on too. If you are in the left lane and someone faster comes up behind you, then you need to get over whenever it is safe to do so (and no, it doesn’t matter if you are going the speed limit or already 25 mph over). If you end up at a four way stop, the person with the most lifted truck does not get to go first. If you think driving 10-15 mph less than the rest of traffic makes you a safer driver, then you have zero idea how terribly wrong you are. If the first thing you do when you get on the highway is immediately merge all the way over to the left lane just to hang out there, then you are an idiot.

The general incompetence of Arizona’s population really shines on the roadways out here and it really is quite terrifying being surrounded by clueless locals who are navigating the equivalent of meandering missiles that are just waiting to ruin your day. Driving in Arizona is a startling experience and is best avoided as much as possible, which is certainly tough in an area where everything is so spread out and public transportation is a lost cause. I could easily put up a blog entry or two a day based on my experiences driving out here, but it would be more fun if you shared some of your stories below!

If you’ve kept up with this blog and many of the reader comments, then you’ve surely seen just how many times we’ve read somebody’s story about how his or her quality of life was turned upside down upon relocating to Arizona. A lot of people get suckered into moving out here with the false claims of nice weather, cheap homes, ton of activities, great & plentiful jobs, and a high quality of life. People are easily fooled when they see the palm trees, sunny skies, pools, and nicely manicured golf courses on their TVs or in Arizona relocation guides. Unfortunately, move out here for just a week or two and you will quickly realize that you are really in for a unique and unpleasant treat. Arizona is one of those rare places where you can try your hardest to make the most of it, and you will still be left feeling worn out, defeated, misplaced, disgusted, and just sick to your stomach. There’s just something about this place and it’s scorching weather, discouraging landscape, horrifying crimes, monotony, and lack of opportunity that will really get you down and will keep you down until you can finally escape.

Many, many people have reported moving to Arizona and realizing just how unfriendly and lacking the job market really is out here. There are NO good jobs out here – well, of course there are a few but you probably aren’t going to be fortunate enough to land one of these positions. There was an abundance of fast food, retail, landscaping, call center, and other ’strip mall jobs’ in recent years. However, as it became more clear that Arizona was greatly overbuilt in the past few years, the number of these jobs are on the decline while the number of applicants is on the rise. Not a good situation for you if you had dreamed of moving to Arizona and introducing yourself to the fast-paced world of Wendys. It might already be pretty clear to a lot of people, but I cannot stress enough that nobody should ever move to Arizona to look for a job or even with a job offer in hand. You might wonder why it might be a bad idea to move to Arizona even with a job already lined up, but the answer could not be simpler. It is not worth the risk or the hassle of relocating to Arizona. If you move out here even with a great job and get laid off, it will be next to impossible to find a similar position out here. You will be forced to relocate once again or take a huge pay cut with another organization out here. That’s certainly no fun and Arizona does have some of the lowest unemployment benefits in the country should you need to file a claim. Don’t be fooled by news reports and talk of Arizona having a hot job market – it certainly doesn’t now and probably never will.

You probably thought it was bad enough when you moved to Arizona and you couldn’t find work or were stuck taking a position far below your skill level. Once you landed a job somewhere and somehow out here, you probably had the pleasure of dealing with commuting and just driving out here in general. You soon realized one day as you were driving to your dead end job, just how terrible all the construction, traffic and the drivers are out here. Other states may have more traffic, but Arizona certainly has some of the worst drivers in the country. Arizona drivers are famous for driving drunk, driving in the left lane, cutting off others, having no concept of merging, blocking people who need to get past them, not signaling, throwing caution & trash out the window, running red lights seconds after the signal change, and just about anything else you can imagine. Living in Arizona will allow you to witness some of the worst accidents you have seen in your life and the opportunity to sit in the subsequent traffic backups. Driving in Arizona is a lot like playing Mario Kart, except out here you will be forced to dodge illegals, drunks, tire debris, ladders, and old mattresses. Driving in Arizona will anger, frustrate, and quite possibly kill you.

Managing to make it out of the traffic alive and into your first day of work, you encountered some of the lowest forms of life on the planet. People in Arizona are like one giant herd of sheep with no direction, no ambition, no work ethic, and piss poor attitudes. People out here don’t care about you, and you shouldn’t care about them. Most relationships in Arizona are built solely on getting ahead or taking advantage of a situation. People in Arizona who work hard and share their own ideas will only be taken advantage of. It really doesn’t matter whether you are working the drive thru or retail or with a small business or in a corporate office building in Arizona – you will still be surrounded by these worthless, uneducated, drunk cowards. And to make matters worse, it is almost always these people who manage to get ahead out here. You will NOT grow your career in Arizona and shouldn’t even bother coming out here and giving it a try.

You surely thought that even though your job and commute in Arizona was terrible enough, you can at least have a great time at home and out on the weekends. Right? C’mon now, you have a brand new house in far, far East Mesa with a pool, and you live right next to a half vacant strip mall. Life could not sound much better to the majority of these uneducated fools in Arizona. Although, you quickly realized that life in an Arizona subdivision, as well as everyone else living in Arizona will manage to piss you off in one way or another. People out here struggle with menial tasks including grocery shopping, fueling their car, checking their mail, and even walking their dog. The majority of retail and restaurant workers out here are lazy, not knowledgeable, pushy, and just unpleasant to deal with. There is no common courtesy out here and people tend to just do what they feel when they feel like doing it. From having landscaping crews show up well before the sun comes up to tying up a barking dog for hours on end to listening to awful, deafening Mexican music late into the night to people of all ages road racing down the streets of your subdivision – you WILL encounter it all in Arizona. People in Arizona will drag you down to their level and at some point you will probably just give up and take it. The longer you spend in Arizona, it becomes more and more likely that you will be that jackass who is out with a chainsaw at 5AM, drunk, naked, and cutting down that dead palm tree in your yard. Don’t let it happen to you – leave now while you can still think rationally.

And then there’s the weather. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse out here, April arrives and so do the 100 degree days. No matter how you slice it or justify it, the fact is that the weather in Arizona is miserable for close to half the year. Don’t be fooled by the idiots who tell you there are just three hot months, and then nine months filled with the best and most beautiful weather in the world. This is not the case, was never the case, and will never be the case. Being in Arizona is close to unbearable from May to the beginning of October. The winter months are a mixture of mild and cold, but one thing is certain and that is that you won’t regularly be laying out by your pool in December like some people would like to have you believe. Tell me how a state where you are just about forced to lock yourself indoors for months on end has beautiful weather worth bragging about. The bright, hot, miserable, dusty, and lengthy Arizona summers will take a toll on your mental and physical health.

You really can try your hardest to make living in Arizona work for you. You can do the opposite of everyone else in Arizona and be friendly, work hard, go out and see what Arizona has to offer, think for yourself, drink in moderation, and strive to get ahead. Unfortunately, you will quickly realize that it is all for nothing as you sit in a dead end job and fail to build any true friendships or meaningful relationships out here. Arizona will quickly turn even the best of people into depressed, worthless, demotivated zombies who look, think, and act like everyone else. Try and justify it all you want but there is no reason for settling down out here. Ever thought your life couldn’t get any worse? Come to Arizona because it can and it will. How quick did you experience the downturn in quality of life since moving to Arizona? The first week?

First things first – there is absolutely nothing wrong with bike riding whether you do it for fitness, pleasure, to save on gas, or because your car recently got repossessed. However…

The fact is that riding a bike on Arizona roadways is really not a smart decision, whether you can manage to keep yourself in the bike lane or not. With Arizona being a state where the majority of people don’t even feel safe in their own cars, I really have to wonder about where the common sense is when I see people who willingly choose to ride a bicycle on Arizona’s busy roadways. You would think the terribly hot weather for most of the year and the amount of pollution precipitates would be enough of a deterrent to keep people from biking on the roads. But somehow it will be 110 degrees outside and you still see these idiots peddling down the road. It also doesn’t sound like the smartest idea to try and share the road with the amount of terribly reckless or drunk drivers we have around the state at all hours of the day. With all these potential dangers on Arizona’s roads, you really got to give it to those bikers who brave the roadways with no helmet on or the ones on the cell phone with a cigarette in their other hand.

Some cities in Arizona have done their best to paint themselves as having biker friendly streets by putting in a limited amount of bike lanes. It is important to note that these lane designations are often ignored by both auto drivers and the cyclists. It is an all too common occurrence to see or read about an Arizona cyclist being taken out because somebody wasn’t paying attention, failed to stay in his or her lane, or ignored the rules of the road. A lot of cyclists seem to think none of the driving rules apply to them and I frequently see them running stop signs/red lights or driving the wrong way or holding up traffic one way or another. Of course, most drivers in Arizona don’t really follow any of the rules of driving a car or use any common sense either. It is no excuse for unsafe driving, but if you do something stupid with your car, you are at least reasonably protected. One mistake on your bike and you’re dead.

So, Arizona cyclists, how the hell do you do it? Have you been hit yet or almost hit? It will happen and it won’t be pretty, so best of luck to you.

Most everyone, everywhere will go through some sort of honeymoon phase whenever he or she moves somewhere new. Many of you who have or are considering relocating to Arizona just based on a short visit out here will be in for a real treat once you make the move. Life in Arizona is a lot different when you are actually living here – just like almost anywhere else. Within two weeks of moving to Arizona, chances are you will be wishing you had stayed where you came from or had moved elsewhere.

Weather – the weather might have seemed nice during that March visit especially compared with most of the rest of the country at that time. Just wait for those summer months when the temperature hits 119 degrees. Arizona residents like to justify it as only a dry heat – the fact of the matter is 119 degrees is 119 degrees. That is easily 20 – 30 degrees warmer than most of the country during the summer months.

Traffic – the traffic might not seem so bad during a visit when you are more likely to be on the road while everyone else is at work. If you make the move, be prepared for hour long commutes with the worst drivers in the country. The commute is even more enjoyable when the temperatures climb over 100 outside.

The people – they may seem nice at your hotel, they may even seem nice at some restaurants. You will notice within two weeks of moving here that the majority of people are unfriendly, arrogant, and you will be judged solely on your material possessions. Everyone tries to one-up each other out here, even though there really is not much money here to begin with.

Leisurely activities – it may seem like there is a lot to do in Arizona if you come out here for just a week. Move here, and you will quickly realize there really is a limited amount of activities out here, besides getting drunk every day like most residents end up doing.

How long did it take you to realize that Arizona sucks after moving here? Two weeks? A month?

As we all know, Arizona is pretty much a cesspool of trash who just could not cut it anywhere else across the country. What does this mean for driving in Arizona – hundreds of differing driving styles which continually clash on a daily basis. Road rage and accidents which could have easily been prevented are all too common across Arizona streets and highways. Driving in Arizona is just not safe, but is an absolutely necessity in an area where everything is so spread out.

First off, you have tons of illegals driving unsafe and falling apart vehicles who do not understand the concept that we have rules for driving up here. When encountering an illegal on the roadway, you must be alert and ready to dodge either the entire car because they will merge right into you or watch out for parts of the car which are holding on for dear life and could fly off at any moment. Arizona roadways are also littered with thousands of senior citizens who either need to have their license revoked, need to severely speed up, or need to have their eyes examined. Absent-minded idiots who will ruin your day are all over the road literally. Most people can multi-task, apparently most Arizona drivers cannot – once that cell phone rings, it’s all over. 30k millionaires in their leased BMWs and Mercedes weaving in and out of traffic like they actually have somewhere important to be. Congratulations, you beat me to the red light – do you want a cookie? Assholes in the left lane who play traffic patrol, knowingly breaking the law and slowing down everyone else in the process. Arizona drunks cruise the streets at all hours of the day unable to keep their car in one lane and unable to keep a steady speed. Finally, the scariest thing that can happen while driving in Arizona is glancing in your rear view mirror and spotting a soccer mom in a Hummer, on a cell phone while inching closer and closer to your bumper. And to top it off, she’s probably crying more about rising gas prices than the average joe.

Fortunately, Arizona has more than enough speed cameras, radar vans, and red light cameras to keep the streets safe and the traffic flowing. Right?!

I had a yard sale at a house I rented just north of downtown Phx. I’ve had plenty of yard sales in my life and NEVER had any one try to pass a counterfeit bill. At this one yard sale, I had THREE different people try to pass fake bills! I accepted one (tried to spend it at Taco Bell and found out when they didn’t accept it), my roommate accepted one, and I caught the third one because it had gotten wet and the ink was running. – Furreal

I guess this is what Arizona residents have to resort to now that the real estate boom is over and their HELOC has been frozen or canceled. Can’t even afford to shop around at yard sales anymore … sad and pathetic.

You may not like it – you may even blame many of Phoenix’s current problems on it, but all of the growth in Phoenix’s history has been absolutely necessary for its survival. Just about everyone has complained about one thing or another when the population of the Valley has surged from transplants from the mid-west or California. Comments such as ‘we don’t need or want these people’ and ‘they ruined my quality of life’ are all too common. Unfortunately, the truth is that this growth is absolutely necessary for the Valley’s economy to survive another day.

Obviously the influx of new residents is responsible for more traffic, pollution, and potentially more crime. However, without this growth where would the Valley be? Would it even continue to exist or would it become the ghost-town of a former model city?

Unfortunately, Arizona must take the good with the bad (there is currently no other choice). If Phoenix stops growing and people stop moving here – it will create quite the situation that I don’t even have words for.

Everyone knows by now how useful the Internet can be when researching just about anything. There is a wealth of free and easy to find information scattered through out the Internet. Unfortunately, anyone can create a website and there is a lot of information on the Internet that is anything but factual. Websites aimed at Arizona relocation more often than not paint a picture of the Valley as a tropical, oasis in the middle of the desert that everyone dreams of visiting and moving to some day. These websites are owned and maintained by Arizona Realtors who are trying to sell homes, so of course they want to make the Valley look inviting. One of the many reasons why this site was created was to offer a REAL look at life in Arizona and not just tell people what they want to hear. Here are some of the most laughable LIES I have stumbled across on Arizona relocation websites.

‘The Arizona economy is very strong’ – of course nobody wants to relocate to an area with a declining economy, so why not tell potential clients that the economy is doing great? Unfortunately, the Arizona economy is just about done for after the housing bubble burst and the chances of a strong rebound are quite slim. Construction and real estate jobs are drying up across the state as there is no real reason to continue building more homes when very few are actually buying/able to afford them anyways.

‘The people are very friendly’ – sorry, but this really could not be any further from the truth. Arizona is home to some of the most rude, arrogant, and unfriendly people on this Earth. The trash, fakes, and frauds who could not make it anywhere else all seem to collect in this place we call the Valley of the Sun.

‘A beautiful year round climate’ – the weather in Arizona is beautiful for 2 months of the year at best. Temperatures well into the hundreds for close to 4 months is about as far from beautiful as you can get.

‘Affordable real estate’ – Arizona real estate prices may be falling, but prices are still high considering what you get. Not to mention if you make an average Arizona salary you will be hard-pressed to even qualify for a mortgage, let alone actually make the payments. And the cheapest real estate is found on the outskirts of town which works fine if you are retired, work-from-home, or work at the neighborhood grocery store. Otherwise you can brag about your 40 mile each way commute to work, while being stuck in traffic and getting repeatedly cut off and getting slammed into by illegals with no insurance – all while hoping you or your car doesn’t overheat from the 100 plus degree temperatures.

Of course, there are literally dozens of reasons not to or even consider moving to Arizona. For some reason though, people keep on coming without even thinking about the potential consequences. Maybe this list will make just one person think twice before making a move which he or she will come to regret every single day. Feel free to add your reasons for not relocating to Arizona below.

10. Traffic Cameras – the Valley is absolutely littered with traffic cameras, whether it be radar cameras or red light cameras or a combination of the two. Driving in Arizona is a disaster as it is, but you constantly got to be on the look out for speed traps, mobile radar vans, or lights that could be moments from going red. How many other states do you know that generate the majority of their revenue from speed traps and poorly timed traffic signals?

9. Overcrowded – there is already far too many people packed into the Valley. Everyone who moves here just adds one more car on the road, more pollution, and increased commute times for everyone. Do you really want to be surrounded by traffic and smog as well?

8. Culture – what culture? The majority of Arizona residents spend their days and nights getting black out drunk. There’s not much else going on. Enough said.

7. The people – liars, thieves, illegals, con-artists, white trash, felons, 30k millionaires, fakes, and everyone else who moved here hoping to blend in. Arizona is filled with a number of low class individuals, and it shows in every aspect of day-to-day life. The people here are generally rude, arrogant, unfriendly, and not even worth dealing with.

6. Weather – temperatures well over 100 degrees for at least 4 months of the year. Is there really any other way to put it?

5. Traffic – not only is the traffic terrible, but Arizona boasts some of the worst drivers in the country. The Valley is so spread out that you are forced to drive anywhere and everywhere. Don’t forget – somewhere around 40% of Arizona’s drivers are uninsured.

4. Schools – Arizona public schools consistently rank just about dead last in every ranking done across the country. These schools are under-funded, over-crowded, and teachers are underpaid. More on Arizona schools later.

3. Crime – the crime in Arizona is continually getting worse and absolutely nothing is being done about it. Don’t forget that pulling over the guy for going 5 miles over the speed limit is more important than catching the real criminals who will rob you at gunpoint or break into your house while you are there.

2. Job Market – everyone always says there are plenty of jobs across the Valley. That is, if you want to work in a call center or sell used cars or work for the fast food industry. There are very few corporate, white-collar positions in the Valley and this will not be changing anytime soon.

1. Economy – let’s face it Arizona’s economy is sinking, and sinking fast. Arizona’s economy was almost solely tied to the real estate market and with that crashing down, what is everyone going to do? The recent housing crash will end up affecting every Valley resident for years to come and then some. Unlike most areas, Arizona has nothing to fall back on and who really knows what will become of the Valley and its people in the coming years.