Arizona Sucks

After almost being taken out by a land monster merging across three lanes of traffic without even looking this morning, I knew it was time to address how piss poor Arizona drivers are once again. I can’t even begin to count how many times one of these idiots has cut me off or almost merged right into me, and then will look up from their breakfast burrito with an absolutely startled, oblivious, and blank gaze as to why I am laying on the horn. It really makes me wonder how people out here can be so clueless and unconcerned about what is going on around them while they are moving along at 70 miles per hour and maneuvering a vehicle which is far from indestructible should they hit something or someone. Put down the coffee, throw out the cigarettes, put on your makeup at home, don’t eat burritos for breakfast, stop texting, don’t drive drunk, and keep an eye on what is going on in front of you and behind you. Incompetence reigns supreme in Arizona and it is certainly no different when driving on the roads and highways out here.

The majority of the driving problems across Arizona stem from the unfortunate fact that very few in Arizona really understand the whole picture when it comes to anything. Arizona locals do not seem to grasp the fact that their awful driving affects everyone else that happens to be on the roadways and in typical Arizona fashion, most drivers are only concerned with themselves and could care less about how their driving antics might affect anyone else. Remember, if you cause an accident because you are driving like an idiot — not only did you ruin the day of the person you hit, but you also ruined it for everyone else that has to sit in the traffic catastrophe YOU created.

A few examples… if the traffic in front of you is stopped, then you probably want to start slowing down at some point. If the traffic signal in front of you just turned red, then flooring it to sit at the light will not and cannot get you to your destination any faster. Merging into someone is not an effective way of making a safe lane change. If the traffic on the highway is going 70 and you decide to merge on at 45, then there is probably going to be a problem. If highway patrol has someone pulled over on the other side of the road, you do not need to slam on your brakes because he isn’t running radar or even paying attention to you. If you are about to pass a speed camera, you do not need to slam on your brakes (unless you were way over the speed limit) and then continue to go 15 miles under the speed limit for the next 500 yards. If most everybody else happens to have their headlights on, then you probably should turn your lights on too. If you are in the left lane and someone faster comes up behind you, then you need to get over whenever it is safe to do so (and no, it doesn’t matter if you are going the speed limit or already 25 mph over). If you end up at a four way stop, the person with the most lifted truck does not get to go first. If you think driving 10-15 mph less than the rest of traffic makes you a safer driver, then you have zero idea how terribly wrong you are. If the first thing you do when you get on the highway is immediately merge all the way over to the left lane just to hang out there, then you are an idiot.

The general incompetence of Arizona’s population really shines on the roadways out here and it really is quite terrifying being surrounded by clueless locals who are navigating the equivalent of meandering missiles that are just waiting to ruin your day. Driving in Arizona is a startling experience and is best avoided as much as possible, which is certainly tough in an area where everything is so spread out and public transportation is a lost cause. I could easily put up a blog entry or two a day based on my experiences driving out here, but it would be more fun if you shared some of your stories below!

You might be able to put up with the blandness, unpleasant weather, excessive crime, limited opportunity, and everything else gone wrong in Arizona, but you have to be wondering how you are going to manage to make it out alive having to constantly deal with these drifting, despicable creatures who also call Arizona home? Unfortunately, I am referring to the human beings who barely manage to exist out here and not the assortment of roaches, spiders, snakes, termites, scorpions, and our other fun filled desert friends who are also waiting to ruin your day. Arizona residents are really something else and they aren’t afraid of showing it, or maybe it could be that they just don’t care how stupid they habitually make themselves and those associated with them look. It is this fanatical collection of individuals out here that will really make you wonder where everything in the world went terribly wrong.

Moving to Arizona is a culture shock to many as they quickly realize the culture out here is tied to drugs, drinking, lifted trucks, immaturity, and simply getting by. If you want to spend the rest of your years as if you were still in the frat house while rocking Tommy Bahama flower print shirts, drinking Bud Lights by the pool all day, and banging desperate coke fiends then Arizona really might be the place for you. If you have even the slightest yearning to get ahead, want to know your neighbors, desire real friendships & relationships, or want to make more than 35K a year, then you probably want to avoid the state of Arizona at all costs. If you actually can refer to yourself as a mature, planning-for-the-future, and responsible adult with dreams and aspirations then moving to Arizona will be a challenge for you as it will be next to impossible for you to fit in with all the social misfits, habitual drunks, lethargic co-workers, nameless neighbors, and all the other abnormal social groups out here. You will be frustrated, bored, and shocked at how so many people can be so appalling in Arizona. And here might be why…..

Arizona’s population is described by many to be soulless, fake, conceited, replaceable, unsociable, snobby, gullible, incompetent, insecure, lazy, cowardly, empty, selfish, superficial, judgmental, rude, irrational, know-it-all, slobs, deadbeats, useless, con-artists … in short, a wicked conglomeration of some of the worst this fine country (and Mexico) has to offer. You will encounter a part of all that has gone wrong with humankind in every aspect of your life in Arizona.

Clueless Co-workers – somehow you might actually have one of the few jobs left out here. It probably isn’t a great job, but it gets you by at least until you are able to escape this landfill we call Arizona. You will quickly and regrettably learn that you don’t have a chance in hell of getting ahead with this Arizona organization by working hard, putting in long hours when needed, and sharing your ideas to save the organization time and money, while improving processes. In Arizona, you advance your career through happy hours that end up lasting until the bars close, sleeping around with your superiors, joining the office Fantasy Baseball league, and black mail. Hard work doesn’t pay out here and just spend a few hours working out here and you will soon realize how crystal clear this is. People out here are lazy, they show up late, take a lot of sick days, drink a lot of coffee, and spend most of their time dicking around while at work. Mondays are spent sharing stories about how black out drunk everyone got over the weekend and who they slept with (this holds true for the married with kids, 40 plus crew too). Tuesday through Thursdays are usually all about catching up on the social networking sites or seeing what is new on Youtube. Thursdays come around and all day is spent planning where to head for happy hour that night and which place has the best Corona specials. If you move to Arizona, make sure you remember that Corona is a premium beverage out here and should be ordered whenever it is available. Friday mornings arrive too soon with a nasty hangover which quickly subsides once the talk of who is drinking what and where that night and what is going on Saturday night begins. Every week is the same out here folks, well unless there is a holiday weekend and then there will be even more drinking stories going around. Arizona is a great place if you have no real credentials, just want to work a dead end job, do the bare minimum, meet new drinking buddies, and are happy just getting by. Want to advance a career or get a career off the ground – avoid Arizona at all costs or be prepared to spend a lot of time at happy hour or on your knees in some nutjob’s office.

Nameless Neighbors – Arizona is one of those rare places where nobody knows their neighbors or wants to get to know their neighbors. You might think this is normal in a rural area where houses are miles apart and in a situation such as that, it might just be. However, in metropolitan Phoenix almost every single house is less than 10 feet away from the next house and you would think neighborly encounters would be quite frequent. However, Arizona residents are famous for running inside to avoid human contact at all costs, and because it is just downright unsafe to be outside for half the year out here. Block walls enclose every yard making it even easier for residents to hide out and avoid being exposed. Everyone can probably agree that there is always a situation that comes up where it is nice to know you can rely on your neighbors if you need to. Most people out here would never even considering helping out a neighbor by house sitting while they are away or watching their kids during an emergency. Even just collecting your mail for you while you are on vacation is just too much to ask of most people in Arizona. People in Arizona are too selfish, lazy, and many actually believe they are too important to help out another. After moving to an Arizona subdivision, don’t wait around to be welcomed by cookies and a meet-and-greet with your neighbors. The real welcoming will come when you go out to see a movie a couple weeks later and return to find out your neighbors hijacked your newly planted palm trees and Christmas decorations. Neighborhood Watch in Arizona pretty much equates to your neighbors surveying what high value possessions are delivered to your house, and then attempting to steal them from you while you are gone.

Drunk in Public – it really is no secret that there isn’t a lot going on in Arizona. There is nothing to do and most of the time it is too hot to even venture outside. So, what do most people in Arizona do? They drink, and they drink, and they drink. Drinking is extremely popular in Arizona amongst all age groups, demographics, and is done religiously at least four days a week by many. Watching Arizona locals in their natural habitat of the restaurants and bars with the cheapest happy hour can be closely linked to a weekend trip to your local zoo. These animals are loud, obnoxious, and aren’t afraid of showing you it all. Literally. There is nothing like watching people who graduated college decades ago falling over themselves, pounding shots, yelling across a family restaurant, vomiting in bushes, and doing body shots at the bar. These people have no shame and it shows. Unfortunately, if you just want a nice, reasonably quiet meal with your family or friends, then you probably need to stay home, scour the area for a place that doesn’t serve alcohol, or head across state lines. Whenever there is alcohol involved, the people in Arizona become even crazier and you never know how far they are going to take it.

Tough Guy Façade – you know, I really can’t tell if it is all the lifted trucks, skull/flame tattoos, or the lame Ed Hardy shirts out here, but we have a lot of people marching around with a tough guy front for no good reason. Arizona is one of those rare places where you will end up in random confrontations for just going about your business as usual. As cowardly and unsociable as so many are in Arizona, it is surprising to see how many locals will go around looking for fights and will get in someone’s face just for the amusement factor or to look tough in front of their buddies. You will frequently witness parking lot road rage, bar brawls, shopping cart angst, homeless harassment, customer service disputes over nothing, and people who go to absolute extreme measures to let someone know if they were accidentally bumped into. It is really hard to determine what makes so many people in Arizona act out for no good reason, but my guess is it is just frustration about being stuck in the Nation’s cesspool. The worst part about all this is that you never know which one of these lunatics has no reason to live, is carrying, and will not hesitate to shoot you because you beat him to a parking spot.

Communication Breakdown – do you like discussing current events, the future, or really anything that requires analyzing the facts, thinking logically, and drawing conclusions? Good luck. Try talking about current events, education, or just about anything else and watch the blank stares you get from these zombies or how quick they are to blurt some stupid, non-sense out as if they are a longtime expert on the subject. Have you ever noticed whenever you ask someone a question out here or offer some sort of realistic solution to a problem they will just stand there and blankly stare you down? Or have you had them just start laughing hysterically at the most inappropriate times? You have just experienced the local Arizona dialect which can be pretty frightening at first. People out here are terrible at thinking in general, expressing their thoughts rationally, and tend to usually say (without thinking) the dumbest, most immature, and inappropriate thing that crosses their minds. All people in Arizona really want to know from you is what kind of car you drive, how many square feet is your home, how much you get paid per hour at work, favorite beer (better be Corona), and how quick you put out. Anything else, don’t even bother.

Luxurious Delusion – phonies, fakes, frauds, wannabes, 30K millionaires, or those on the continual quest for handouts. Whatever you want to call them, Arizona is filled with some of the most delusional people around. Most out here are barely scraping by, but material possessions are still king in Arizona. You will be judged on the size of your house, type of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and anything else you own or lease. It is really like being in high school all over again and lucky for you, most people out here still act like they are 15 years old. Nothing is worse than listening to these people who believe they are owed the luxury car and huge house, but they don’t want to put in any of the time or hard work. There is so little to do out here that it leads to this childish competition and the culture of Arizona has become focused on constantly outdoing anyone else whether it is cars, boats, clothes, landscaping, homes or anything else. Just watch how quick your neighbors show up with a more luxurious car, which they can’t even afford, after you decide to upgrade your own car. Ever wonder why the housing crash was so horrendous in Phoenix? The simple answer is people with no money buying houses they could never even dream of affording – the Arizona way!

The Clueless, Careless, & Hopeless – better known to many of us as Arizona’s population that is out-of-touch with reality, or a lethal combination of our resident elderly, meth heads, and Natives. These people either don’t seem to understand that Arizona is not how life was ever supposed to be, they just don’t care anymore, or they are on enough drugs to turn this desert habitat into a tropical paradise within their minds. The only ones who might have an excuse are Arizona’s Natives since it is highly possible and unfortunate for them that they know no better. It is easiest just to let the drug aficionados throw their lives away in a corner somewhere, as long as they don’t get in your way while doing so. It is Arizona’s immense elderly population which poses a hidden, unknown danger for anyone trying to start a life and family out here. In general, the majority of the elderly population out here have done their time, raised their families, and are now retired from their jobs. They could care less about the state’s budget crisis, how bad the schools are, and don’t really want to improve anything. They simply want to sun bathe outside of their trailer, go to their casinos, and be left alone. They are against tax increases to improve schools, improve the roads, or to improve anything thing else in this quickly deteriorating state. As long as it doesn’t rain and the local grocery store remains open, these older people are as happy as can be. Dealings with any of these three groups of people are best avoided as much as possible for your own sanity.

Fading Friendships – Arizona is obviously not a state recommended moving to if you wanted to form any meaningful, long-lasting friendships or relationships. People out here are shady, outlandish, and are really only concerned with themselves. If you are a nice, friendly, and generous person then you will probably end up lied to and taken advantage of by some of the many parasites out here who are simply waiting for their next victim. You will be somebody’s best friend as long as you can provide whatever they need at that given moment whether it is drugs, car rides, a couch to sleep on, chicken wings, blowjobs, career support, alcohol, and the list goes on and on. As soon as these people no longer need your help, watch how quick they will vanish from your lives. Friendships in Arizona are formed for one reason only and that is self-advancement.

A lot of people refer to Arizona as a dead end state and that is a point that is pretty hard to argue with. Arizona is a place a lot of people come to as a last resort, a place to hide from their past, a place to fake it until someone catches on, a place to play make believe, or as a place where their immature games and absurdity will fit in with the rest of the greater population. People in Arizona are a rare breed and anyone with a shred of normalcy will have a tough time making it in Arizona. As for everyone else in Arizona, the extreme heat ends up forming some sort of indestructible bond between those people who share the common belief system of just getting by. Those people who do show up at Arizona’s door with hopes, dreams, and even just a touch of class will end up getting left behind in the desert. It is hard to form real friendships or relationships out here as everyone is out for themselves and will use anyone or anything to make a quick buck or get a free ride. It is easy to feel lost, bothered, and hopeless out here in Arizona as you are surrounded by idiots at your job, in your neighborhood, out and about, on the roads, and anywhere else life may take you across Arizona. Moving away is the only sure way you can escape from these foolish, brainless, and juvenile monsters. One thing is for sure – the people out here are certainly unique! You can’t argue that.

If you’ve kept up with this blog and many of the reader comments, then you’ve surely seen just how many times we’ve read somebody’s story about how his or her quality of life was turned upside down upon relocating to Arizona. A lot of people get suckered into moving out here with the false claims of nice weather, cheap homes, ton of activities, great & plentiful jobs, and a high quality of life. People are easily fooled when they see the palm trees, sunny skies, pools, and nicely manicured golf courses on their TVs or in Arizona relocation guides. Unfortunately, move out here for just a week or two and you will quickly realize that you are really in for a unique and unpleasant treat. Arizona is one of those rare places where you can try your hardest to make the most of it, and you will still be left feeling worn out, defeated, misplaced, disgusted, and just sick to your stomach. There’s just something about this place and it’s scorching weather, discouraging landscape, horrifying crimes, monotony, and lack of opportunity that will really get you down and will keep you down until you can finally escape.

Many, many people have reported moving to Arizona and realizing just how unfriendly and lacking the job market really is out here. There are NO good jobs out here – well, of course there are a few but you probably aren’t going to be fortunate enough to land one of these positions. There was an abundance of fast food, retail, landscaping, call center, and other ’strip mall jobs’ in recent years. However, as it became more clear that Arizona was greatly overbuilt in the past few years, the number of these jobs are on the decline while the number of applicants is on the rise. Not a good situation for you if you had dreamed of moving to Arizona and introducing yourself to the fast-paced world of Wendys. It might already be pretty clear to a lot of people, but I cannot stress enough that nobody should ever move to Arizona to look for a job or even with a job offer in hand. You might wonder why it might be a bad idea to move to Arizona even with a job already lined up, but the answer could not be simpler. It is not worth the risk or the hassle of relocating to Arizona. If you move out here even with a great job and get laid off, it will be next to impossible to find a similar position out here. You will be forced to relocate once again or take a huge pay cut with another organization out here. That’s certainly no fun and Arizona does have some of the lowest unemployment benefits in the country should you need to file a claim. Don’t be fooled by news reports and talk of Arizona having a hot job market – it certainly doesn’t now and probably never will.

You probably thought it was bad enough when you moved to Arizona and you couldn’t find work or were stuck taking a position far below your skill level. Once you landed a job somewhere and somehow out here, you probably had the pleasure of dealing with commuting and just driving out here in general. You soon realized one day as you were driving to your dead end job, just how terrible all the construction, traffic and the drivers are out here. Other states may have more traffic, but Arizona certainly has some of the worst drivers in the country. Arizona drivers are famous for driving drunk, driving in the left lane, cutting off others, having no concept of merging, blocking people who need to get past them, not signaling, throwing caution & trash out the window, running red lights seconds after the signal change, and just about anything else you can imagine. Living in Arizona will allow you to witness some of the worst accidents you have seen in your life and the opportunity to sit in the subsequent traffic backups. Driving in Arizona is a lot like playing Mario Kart, except out here you will be forced to dodge illegals, drunks, tire debris, ladders, and old mattresses. Driving in Arizona will anger, frustrate, and quite possibly kill you.

Managing to make it out of the traffic alive and into your first day of work, you encountered some of the lowest forms of life on the planet. People in Arizona are like one giant herd of sheep with no direction, no ambition, no work ethic, and piss poor attitudes. People out here don’t care about you, and you shouldn’t care about them. Most relationships in Arizona are built solely on getting ahead or taking advantage of a situation. People in Arizona who work hard and share their own ideas will only be taken advantage of. It really doesn’t matter whether you are working the drive thru or retail or with a small business or in a corporate office building in Arizona – you will still be surrounded by these worthless, uneducated, drunk cowards. And to make matters worse, it is almost always these people who manage to get ahead out here. You will NOT grow your career in Arizona and shouldn’t even bother coming out here and giving it a try.

You surely thought that even though your job and commute in Arizona was terrible enough, you can at least have a great time at home and out on the weekends. Right? C’mon now, you have a brand new house in far, far East Mesa with a pool, and you live right next to a half vacant strip mall. Life could not sound much better to the majority of these uneducated fools in Arizona. Although, you quickly realized that life in an Arizona subdivision, as well as everyone else living in Arizona will manage to piss you off in one way or another. People out here struggle with menial tasks including grocery shopping, fueling their car, checking their mail, and even walking their dog. The majority of retail and restaurant workers out here are lazy, not knowledgeable, pushy, and just unpleasant to deal with. There is no common courtesy out here and people tend to just do what they feel when they feel like doing it. From having landscaping crews show up well before the sun comes up to tying up a barking dog for hours on end to listening to awful, deafening Mexican music late into the night to people of all ages road racing down the streets of your subdivision – you WILL encounter it all in Arizona. People in Arizona will drag you down to their level and at some point you will probably just give up and take it. The longer you spend in Arizona, it becomes more and more likely that you will be that jackass who is out with a chainsaw at 5AM, drunk, naked, and cutting down that dead palm tree in your yard. Don’t let it happen to you – leave now while you can still think rationally.

And then there’s the weather. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse out here, April arrives and so do the 100 degree days. No matter how you slice it or justify it, the fact is that the weather in Arizona is miserable for close to half the year. Don’t be fooled by the idiots who tell you there are just three hot months, and then nine months filled with the best and most beautiful weather in the world. This is not the case, was never the case, and will never be the case. Being in Arizona is close to unbearable from May to the beginning of October. The winter months are a mixture of mild and cold, but one thing is certain and that is that you won’t regularly be laying out by your pool in December like some people would like to have you believe. Tell me how a state where you are just about forced to lock yourself indoors for months on end has beautiful weather worth bragging about. The bright, hot, miserable, dusty, and lengthy Arizona summers will take a toll on your mental and physical health.

You really can try your hardest to make living in Arizona work for you. You can do the opposite of everyone else in Arizona and be friendly, work hard, go out and see what Arizona has to offer, think for yourself, drink in moderation, and strive to get ahead. Unfortunately, you will quickly realize that it is all for nothing as you sit in a dead end job and fail to build any true friendships or meaningful relationships out here. Arizona will quickly turn even the best of people into depressed, worthless, demotivated zombies who look, think, and act like everyone else. Try and justify it all you want but there is no reason for settling down out here. Ever thought your life couldn’t get any worse? Come to Arizona because it can and it will. How quick did you experience the downturn in quality of life since moving to Arizona? The first week?

In case you missed it, the Associated Press just put out an article titled, ‘People in Sunny States Happiest, New York Least’. The article went on to state that people in sunny and outdoorsy states are among the happiest in the country. People are supposedly most happy in states with good climates, low crime rates, good air quality, and good schools. All of these factors makes perfect sense to me except for one small part of the article. How in the world does a state filled with crime, extreme temperatures, illegals, piss poor schools, no jobs, and nothing to do but drink to excess rank fifth in the entire country? That’s right, Arizona has been ranked in the top five states with the happiest people.

The only thing Arizona even comes close to having on the ‘happiness checklist’ is abundant sunshine and more often than not the sunshine is filtered through the brown cloud which is just about permanently planted over the Phoenix area these days. If you have considered moving to Arizona for the sunshine or the supposed glorious weather, remember just this one thing. Abundant sunshine isn’t going to pay your bills and it surely isn’t going to stop your children from being robbed at gun point while on the school bus.

Arizona is not an outdoorsy state and there really aren’t many exciting outdoor activities if that is your thing, especially so in the Phoenix metropolitan area. The main outdoor activity in Arizona is hiking and that can only be done safely for about half of the year or so. The most popular outdoor activity amongst most Arizonans is getting plowed outside on a bar’s patio.

You’d be an idiot to think a state full of uneducated degenerates and illegals is going to have low crime rates. The crime in Arizona has been continually on the rise and it is only going to get worse. Not to mention the crimes in this state are truly like something out of a horror movie.

The brown cloud and the traffic backups speaks enough for the air quality in Arizona. While, Arizona’s dead last ranking in public education tells the whole story of Arizona’s education system. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you think you are in a good school district – your kids are still far behind the rest of the country.

In the end, it couldn’t be more obvious that the writer of this article has never been to and has certainly not lived in Arizona, but this ranking is still worth a laugh especially for those of us who know the truth about Arizona and aren’t living in some sort of fantasy state of mind. Share your thoughts about Arizona’s ranking below.

Merry Christmas!

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-12-18-happiest-states_N.htm

The simple, honest, straight-to-the-point answer is no. Is Phoenix a hotspot? Weather wise, it certainly is.

Why would you be asking such an easy to answer question anyways? I recently came across an Arizona relocation guide that tried its best at painting the Phoenix area as a vibrant, affluent, cultured, and unrivaled metropolitan area where the rich come to live and play. Just from reading this relocation guide, it would be easy to fall into the trap that almost everyone in Phoenix is cultured, affluent, social, and that the area is just full of both indoor and outdoor activities. This could not be any further from the truth and sadly there are some people who actually buy into this nonsense. In reality, the Phoenix area is boring, revolting, uncultured, and has few redeeming qualities. Sure, there are some wealthy people living here – but just a small fraction of the general population like most other places. The main difference out here in Arizona is that the greater majority actually believes they are wealthy, or that they have money to blow on lavish items such as regular meals out, expensive wines, trips to the spa, trendy outfits, and top shelf margaritas. While, the truth is that many in Phoenix are below the poverty level, and a number aren’t doing too much better than that. Here were just a few of the mentions from the relocation guide on how everybody supposedly lives out in Arizona.

Upscale restaurants and $10,000 Margaritas – let’s be real here. Even if Phoenix was overflowing with upscale restaurants, who is going to eat there? Exactly, and that is why a number of the more upscale places that were out here have shut down in the recent past. It’s not so much the economy, as it may be in other places, but instead reality set in that most people in Arizona are stretched treating themselves to a meal at Applebees or Chilis. If the money was flowing out here as much as these relocation guides want you to believe, then why have so many restaurants shut down and others are forced to offer budget specials just to get folks in the door? Fortunately if you do own one of these pricier bars or restaurants in Arizona, one thing and one thing only is keeping you in business when you never should have survived in an economic climate like we permanently have in Arizona. This ever-burning desire and fascination to look and appear wealthy in Arizona makes it that much easier to sell overpriced, only premium in Arizona, beverages such as Corona, Blue Moon, bottom-shelf margaritas, and what not. Cheap, vile cuts of steak plastered in A1 Sauce and any other cut of meat or poultry smothered in Jack Daniel’s flavored BBQ Sauce is a favorite out here too. Many in Arizona will buy the highest priced items on the menu like a steak dinner just because it costs more or will pay more for a trendy beverage such as a Corona – not because they necessarily like the taste better but to keep up that Arizona image.

Upscale resorts – sure there are a couple nice spots, but these destinations are aimed more at out of town visitors and mostly during the comparatively warmer winter months. These resorts are not just in business because everyone in Arizona stops in weekly – though these places are infiltrated with the so-called Scottsdale elite, but only during the summer season when rates are much, much lower and they will make weekly trips to these resorts until their credit cards are finally declined. Arizona people are also famous for staying in these resorts/hotels just miles away from their home as a way of briefly escaping the meth heads and murderers right outside their bedroom window for just a couple nights.

World class museums and concert venues – sorry, no. Nobody visits, let alone moves to, the Phoenix area for our appreciation of the arts. A night out in Arizona goes a little more like this – start out with some overpriced and overrated Coronas at dinner, continue to get plowed as the night goes on, and it’s not finished until you pass out after banging your buddy’s wife. Wake up still drunk the next morning, search the room for your Ed Hardy tough guy shirt, and then take a cab home. Sleep off the hangover and repeat.

Unfortunately too many fall into the trap of taking these ‘relocation guides’ at face value. Remember who writes these so called relocation guides – Realtors and home builders – all they really want to do is get you out here and get you locked into a property out here before you really realize just how bad things really are. And remember this, even if a place truly had world class restaurants, resorts, museums, and theater – what’s it to you if could never afford it anyway – oh that’s right, Arizona people love trying to look like they all have tons of money to spend or at least try to group themselves with the few that really do, which is what is keeping the few upscale and pricier places alive here in the desert.

Flipping through those relocation guides and countless brochures your Realtor sent you, will make you think Arizona is full of adventure, activities, and just plain fun. Is there really anything to do in Arizona? Of course, there is – it is really just a question of how far you have to travel and when during the year can you participate in said activity. For example, hiking can really only be done safely and comfortably for about half the year. If you can actually say you enjoy a midday hike when it is 110 out, then good luck to you. Other major destinations such as the Grand Canyon are something you really only need to see a couple times, unless you have out-of-state visitors. Sure, you can comfortably travel to Las Vegas, Mexico, and Southern California, but is that really any reason to move to Arizona? No. So, what it really boils down to in the Phoenix area is three main activities – and you can do all three virtually anywhere else in the country.

Shopping – as we all know, Arizona people love spending money they don’t have which means shopping is a popular way to spend a day. Surely, Arizona boasts a more diverse selection of shops and boutiques than your small city out in the Midwest, but it is definitely not the Beverly Hills of the southwest as many will claim. You have your standard mix of stores surrounded by the classless, overpriced, and ugly, trendy-in-Arizona places like Affliction, Tommy Bahama, Ed Hardy, and wherever they sell those awful dragon shirts men of all ages seem to be wearing out here. If you prefer to shop for clothing for your age group or for clothing with just a touch of class, you will be baffled by the selection in Arizona and may just have to resort to shopping on the Internet.

Eating Out – figures, most people in Arizona are too lazy to cook for themselves. Not to mention, most people out here could screw up Kraft Macaroni-N-Cheese and few have enough brain cells to properly microwave a meal anyways. So, regularly going out for dinner and drinks is a very popular activity out here. Of course this isn’t a bad thing, but there is a problem when you can’t afford it in the first place and when it is one of the major activities tied to the area.

Drinking – people in Arizona love their alcohol and love blacking out even more. Many in Arizona average more nights per week of binge drinking than your typical college student. It is a common sight to see a middle-aged man passed out on the pavement here, while his wife stumbles into a cab with some young, drunk frat boy. The typical Arizona got-to-look-rich attitude really shows at the bars. Grown men and women show up wearing the same style clothes as the rest of the 20-somethings. The men are adorned in wrinkled dragon shirts and bleached hair, while the women are sporting outfits that might have fit appropriately 20 years ago. And they all love yelling about how much money they are making on real estate or the stock market or their successful business and they love bragging about how drunk they are and how much alcohol they have bought that night. Reality usually sets in right about the time they stumble back to their early 90s Toyota Camry and weave their way home to their overpriced, dangerous, high-crime, lawn-chair furniture, luxury apartment in Scottsdale.

So – if you want to spend day-after-day shopping, followed by dinner at a restaurant filled with loud and obnoxious idiots, and then feel like heading out and getting absolutely hammered while showing off your new dragon t-shirt, then Arizona might just be the place for you.

Despite the fact that Arizona is typically a lower income state and disposable incomes are pretty much non-existent, there is a relative abundance of upscale bars, clubs, and retail stores out here. Many of these venues don’t stand the test of time out here and eventually shut down, but there are a few hanging in there. So, the real question is – who is keeping these pricey places in business and how?

Surely, it is obviously not your average Arizona resident who is spending enough money to keep these places in business – they should not be able to afford it on their meager salaries, right? Others assume it might be Arizona’s winter visitors and residents who might be helping these places stay in business and they certainly are, but not to the degree some people may think. Some people are under the impression Arizona is this mecca for wealthy vacationers and wintertime fun. Obviously, there is a rise in visitors and winter residents alike, but surely not enough to keep the economy going through the entire year. So – somebody must be spending money at these pricier places during the remainder of the year or how would they ever remain in business?

Fortunately for local business owners, Arizona residents absolutely love two things besides their weather – these two things would be looking like they are made of money and grossly misusing credit cards. And it is no coincidence that these two things absolutely go hand in hand. There are so many out in Arizona who would be completely lost and living on the street if it wasn’t for their wallet stuffed with credit cards. It is part of the Arizona culture to play the rich card as long as possible, and it is not until the credit card and repo teams come calling that most will shamefully move back to wherever it is they had come from.

What’s the easiest way to make people think you have money – in Arizona, it would be going out and spending a lot of money you don’t have. And the key here is that you have to be seen spending the money, or you have to announce it to any and everyone you know. It is a regular occurrence for these phonies to frequent classless, want-to-be-trendy, overpriced bars where they will pay ridiculous cover charges to feel important. They can’t go out drinking until after they eat out at a restaurant they can’t afford where they order drinks, appetizers, and multiple desserts. And you have to do it all in style while wearing overpriced, tacky clothing. These people love spending more than they make an hour on margaritas and questionable mixed drinks. If you are at the bar throwing down 20 dollar margaritas, you got to dress for the event – overpriced dragon warrior t-shirts, came-from-the-store-ripped jeans, and large white sunglasses are all too common no matter what the age group may be. In reality, doing any of the above really just makes you look like more of an idiot than you may actually be; it’s even worse when you do this shit when you have a spouse and kids to care for. Oh, and the only idiot you are fooling is yourself and possibly the waste-of-space waiting behind you to pay his cover charge who just happens to be wearing the same stupid dragon shirt you have on.

Even with all that being said, it is important to note that both Arizona business owners and local residents owe these characters tons of gratitude. They manage to keep a number of businesses out of the red, while providing everyone else with one form of amusement that just can’t be recreated or seen anywhere else.

In a state where the average citizen can barely file their own taxes or even balance a checkbook, some brilliant individual decided it would be a great idea to have these people check themselves out at grocery stores, convenience stores, and even the occasional fast food joint in the area. Now, self-checkout and the problems it potentially presents are not exclusive to Arizona, but the unbelievable incompetence found across Arizona really lends itself to some interesting scenarios. To actually witness the whole process is something I can’t quite put into words, but something you just have to stop and admire.

Obviously, from the viewpoint of a store manager, self-checkout sounds like a great, cost-saving idea. Promote it as fast and fun, and you are already two steps ahead of the competition. Plus you only need one cashier to oversee 4-8 scanning stations, instead of each employee working only a single register. However, it’s never that easy when you combine the lack of customer service skills in Arizona and the incompetence of the greater public. You might think having all these additional scanning stations plus a few normal registers open would speed up the shopping experience, so there you go – you get in the self-checkout line.

To the left, you have that one guy who can be seen continually waving his item in front of the scanner, without a clue that the barcode on the package needs to be scanned. Sometimes, you give them a while and they will eventually get it, and other times they get frustrated and move on to their next item. Only striking out again and again. You know he has to be wondering why some items will scan for him and some don’t. And you know just throwing the items in the shopping bags has crossed his mind as well. If I can’t figure out how to scan it, then it is free, right!?

In front of him is the woman with six kids running around, and a cart overflowing with processed treats in typical Arizona fashion. She is under the impression that she can get out of there quicker by checking herself out, instead of using the seasoned cashier just one aisle over. She averages about an item scanned every 2-3 minutes, between hunting down the kids and taking calls from their fathers and her parole officer.

To your right, is the customer who has eaten herself so fat that she rides around on a scooter and is unable to comfortably get up, but will still attempt the self-checkout from the seated position. She will have to continually call over the attendant because she realized she cannot reach all the treats she had tossed in her basket when zipping around the store. Another bonus is that she will often come with the ‘you should feel sorry for me, it is not my fault’ attitude, even though the host of Twinkies and TV dinners in her basket say otherwise.

The customer directly in front of you cannot figure out how to pay. He hits the Credit Card button, but then wants to pay in cash. Then he realizes he doesn’t have enough cash. So, he wants to put half on his credit card and pay the rest in cash. Call attendant. Void. Attendant. Void. Attendant….

Then you get stuck behind someone trying to buy fresh produce, bakery items, just about anything sold by weight, or anything else with out a barcode? Go ahead and move to the next line over now. People in Arizona can’t understand the concept of placing something on a scale and punching in a 4 digit code – it is one too many steps for most people out here to handle. Remember, just scanning a barcode proved too difficult for many.

And, finally, I will never understand why do I have to choose between English or Spanish? Give it a few more years, and it will probably default to Spanish out here….

Of course, there are literally dozens of reasons not to or even consider moving to Arizona. For some reason though, people keep on coming without even thinking about the potential consequences. Maybe this list will make just one person think twice before making a move which he or she will come to regret every single day. Feel free to add your reasons for not relocating to Arizona below.

10. Traffic Cameras – the Valley is absolutely littered with traffic cameras, whether it be radar cameras or red light cameras or a combination of the two. Driving in Arizona is a disaster as it is, but you constantly got to be on the look out for speed traps, mobile radar vans, or lights that could be moments from going red. How many other states do you know that generate the majority of their revenue from speed traps and poorly timed traffic signals?

9. Overcrowded – there is already far too many people packed into the Valley. Everyone who moves here just adds one more car on the road, more pollution, and increased commute times for everyone. Do you really want to be surrounded by traffic and smog as well?

8. Culture – what culture? The majority of Arizona residents spend their days and nights getting black out drunk. There’s not much else going on. Enough said.

7. The people – liars, thieves, illegals, con-artists, white trash, felons, 30k millionaires, fakes, and everyone else who moved here hoping to blend in. Arizona is filled with a number of low class individuals, and it shows in every aspect of day-to-day life. The people here are generally rude, arrogant, unfriendly, and not even worth dealing with.

6. Weather – temperatures well over 100 degrees for at least 4 months of the year. Is there really any other way to put it?

5. Traffic – not only is the traffic terrible, but Arizona boasts some of the worst drivers in the country. The Valley is so spread out that you are forced to drive anywhere and everywhere. Don’t forget – somewhere around 40% of Arizona’s drivers are uninsured.

4. Schools – Arizona public schools consistently rank just about dead last in every ranking done across the country. These schools are under-funded, over-crowded, and teachers are underpaid. More on Arizona schools later.

3. Crime – the crime in Arizona is continually getting worse and absolutely nothing is being done about it. Don’t forget that pulling over the guy for going 5 miles over the speed limit is more important than catching the real criminals who will rob you at gunpoint or break into your house while you are there.

2. Job Market – everyone always says there are plenty of jobs across the Valley. That is, if you want to work in a call center or sell used cars or work for the fast food industry. There are very few corporate, white-collar positions in the Valley and this will not be changing anytime soon.

1. Economy – let’s face it Arizona’s economy is sinking, and sinking fast. Arizona’s economy was almost solely tied to the real estate market and with that crashing down, what is everyone going to do? The recent housing crash will end up affecting every Valley resident for years to come and then some. Unlike most areas, Arizona has nothing to fall back on and who really knows what will become of the Valley and its people in the coming years.

Why does this blog exist? The very simple answer is that it needed to be done – the truth about Arizona and its people had to be put out there for everyone to see. The majority of information available on the Internet about Arizona is not just misleading, but blatantly one-sided. Absolute lies, fudged city data, and reports of a strong economy, housing and job market constitute much of the readings one will come across when researching Arizona. What nobody will ever tell you is that a number of these sites are created and maintained by the Realtors® who are now (and will continue to be) struggling to sell homes and ‘waterfront’ condos through out the Phoenix metropolitan area. Why would they paint the real picture for you – they are trying to sell YOU a home.

This blog is intended to promote open and honest discussion on Arizona, its people, its political agenda, and everything else which has seemingly gone wrong in this former ‘model city’.

Obviously, there must be people who actually do enjoy living out here or could it be that they are stuck here? Or are they justifying (lying) living here to themselves day after day? Maybe they just could not fit in anywhere else? Whatever the draw is, the Phoenix area is filled with white trash, fakes, immigrants, 30k millionaires, con-artists, and polluted with those who just could not make it elsewhere. It is quite the melting pot – which nobody ever wants or deserves to taste, literally.

Will the Phoenix metropolitan area rise above its current economic downturn or will this meltdown of epic proportions continue? What will be left in 5 years? 10 years?

We will have to wait and see, but the future of the Valley, its people, and its declining economy looks anything but good. What do you think?